First off, look at this. BAHAH.

Secondly, my mom is the most embarrassing person in the entire world.
You can stop treating me like I'm 2. I kind of almost am, except there's a 0 on the end.
I am beating myself in the face for not *going away* to college. SMH.

Now, then.
I've found so many cute things!
...That I can't afford.
Actually, they aren't that expensive individually.
Except the owl ring is freakin' $65.

These are things that I would looove to learn how to make:

These are all from shanalogic.com, so that I don't get copyright infringed!

I guess I'm doing better.
I want to upload pictures soon.
My blog tells me who I am following but also... doesn't.
It tells me I am not following anyone on my reading list, and then when I go to people's blogs it asks me to follow them. But since the list is right there, I'll follow everyone that I was following before. If you get another request from me, that's why.

R.I.P. Sweet Pea :(
I tried everything I could, I wish some of it had worked.
I love you and miss you sitting on my feet, little noggin.

I got my laptop in the mail today. I’ll post a picture of it later, it’s really sweet. It would be nice to care. But I don’t, because I have other things to worry about. This post is going to be long and it is just going to be me being really sad and whiny.

I have this kitten, Sweet Pea, and it is the most adorable thing in the history of ever. I’ve only gotten to know her for five weeks and she’s already going to be taken from me. The other two kittens of the litter passed away- one when it was born and the other a few weeks ago. Sweet Pea has always been so small. I can fit her in the palm of my hand. Sweet Pea is Gizmo’s kitten, and was born two days before Lily’s kittens but she is about half the size.

The kittens are just learning how to climb up and down the steps on the porch, and it took Sweet Pea a bit longer to be able to because of how tiny she is. They love sleeping in my mom’s flower bed beneath her rose bushes. I walked down the steps so I could bring Sweet Pea on the porch because the other kittens were already up there. Sweet Pea is very calm-natured anyway so I didn’t think anything of it that she let me pick her up with no problem. That’s how she’s always been. When I sat her down, though, she couldn’t walk. She struggled so much and would fall over and start meowing relentlessly. It was obvious how frustrated she was. I immediately started crying my eyes out- I knew there was something wrong. My dad was absolutely no help- “I was waiting for this, she’s so small, I’m surprised she’s made it this long”, etc. etc. I started crying even harder.

I was holding her and crying when she started biting at my finger, so I know that meant she was hungry. I fed her milk from a dropper. I know that cow’s milk is a no-no for kittens, but I really had no other choice at the time being. I watered it down and I really just wanted to give her something to give her a little bit of strength. She perked up pretty instantly. Though she still couldn’t walk, she was able to stand up. Later that night I saw her mother nursing her so I thought she wasn’t sick… I’ve seen the way that cats act around other cats when they’re sick. If she were sick, Gizmo wouldn’t have let her nurse or even be around the other kittens.

I slept not a wink last night. I couldn’t. I had a stomach ache, heartburn, I was just really stressed out and upset. My mom woke me up this morning to show me how she was doing. I knew that was good. My mom does some strange things, but she wouldn’t want to show me Sweet Pea being dead. My dad said he woke up this morning expecting to find her dead but she was running around and playing all morning.

When I woke up for the second time at about 10:30 AM, I went to check on her. She was sleeping. No big deal. But when I noticed a few hours later that she was still laying there, I tried to pick her up. She would scream like she was in awful pain. Now none of the cats will get around her, so I know there is something wrong. She’s been going downhill all day.

She tries to meow and nothing comes out. I’ve forced her to drink water from a dropper to keep her hydrated at least, because neither Gizmo nor Lily are nursing her. I don’t want to give her any more cow’s milk (even though I’m sure she’s hungry) because I can’t risk her getting diarrhea. I’ve given her antibiotics that I got from the vet for another cat- but it’s just amoxicillin which can be used for basically anything. My parents are out right now getting her some KMR (Kitten Milk Replacement) or goat milk, depending on what they can find.  I have BEGGED my parents to take her to the vet but they’re convinced that they won’t be able to do anything. I’m not sure what makes them think they know. It’s so frustrating. They’re upset but only because I’m upset, and that honestly pisses me off a little. I could really not care less how I’m feeling right now, I’m just worried about Sweet Pea. I’m hoping for the best and expecting the worst at this point but thinking that she is suffering or in pain the least little bit kills me. I can’t even stand to think that she is uncomfortable. It’s awful. It doesn’t seem fair that something so little and defenseless should be allowed to have this sort of thing happen to them when there are murderers walking around taking up all kinds of space.

I actually had the thought, “I wish it were one of the others instead of her” and I guess that’s horrible. Ideally nothing horrible would ever be able to happen. I do know that if I saw awful things happening daily in a world that I supposedly created, I wouldn’t stand around and do nothing like an asshole.

Life as I know it.

My life right now is not interesting to myself or anyone else.
It consists of swimming, waiting for television shows to come on, checking on my kittens, weighing myself, texting my boyfriend, talking to my parents, thinking about how I don't have a car, worrying about the future, reading, doing paint by numbers, trying to explain to my mom why I don't invite people over without directly coming out and saying "I have, like, two friends". And every once in a while I get lucky enough to have an outing with someone.
Something really stupid happens to me daily so I have good stories often, I just don't have many people to tell them to anymore. For instance, I cut myself on a microwave recently. I could construct a whole movie out of that. My stories go on forever. No big deal, it's just a GIFT.
One good thing has come out of the past few months though! I did try to re-friend my friends and have relationships with them and do things with them and it seems that it's not going to work. We are just on different paths of our lives right now, and that is no one's fault. That's not the good thing. The good thing is that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I did it, it's done, and it won't do. You're my only hope Raeann. No pressure.

I would absolutely love to have a car and a job. As for this whole schooling thing, I sent an e-mail to Midway Vet and got a very helpful e-mail in return from a veterinarian there. Basically, he highly recommends Morehead's program, and if I got on-the-job-training (which they do offer) it would be to become a vet assistant, not a vet tech. Those are two very different things that no one else seems to understand. Then again, when I tell my family that I am going to become a vet tech, they translate it as "She's going to become a veterinarian and make lots of money and be our savior!" Like I've said before, if I didn't disappoint them all, who would? I do it out of love. Not that I'm extremely happy to have to move to Morehead but it's settled one way or the other so that's a relief. And it helps that the place is freakin' beautiful. Not scary like Lexington. I'm not at all worried about being murdered in Morehead. It's a smaller town than Somerset even, more like Nancy or something, so I'm sure that the drug trafficking ring is a great deal smaller! Gotta hand it to the meth makers of Somerset though, they work their asses off to put us on the white trash map.

Now, after telling Josh that we have to move to Lexington, then changing that to Morehead, then changing that to "nevermind, I don't have to move at all", to moving to Morehead again, and "nevermind, we're not even going"... I now get to relocate him to Morehead once more. He's lucky to have me.

I haven't been on in a good while!
My laptop finally bit the dust. I took it to a computer repair shop and apparently the video chip in the motherboard is broken, and a new one costs about $91. Not too bad, but I've had so many problems with this laptop that I am swearing off HPs forever! I had to replace the hard drive within a matter of months after getting it, it overheats way too easily because they thought it'd be a good idea to not put the fan by the CPU, and now the screen is all rolly.

SO I purchased a Dell Inspiron 15. The cover design I chose is spiffy! It's called "Seaweed", and is white with teal and black swirls everywhere. It took $703 and some cents from the $705.74 I had on my debit card. Woe is me. I am yet again broke until Fall.

My life has been eventful lately with things that are not too interesting!
I've spent time with Josh, went to the movies with Raeann, walked the Relay For Life, started Zumba again, and just been out and about in general.

I got my hair chopped off yesterday. I decided I really like Brandy at Dimensions. She is the only person who, when I say I want my hair choppy and thinned out, has actually done that for me. I really regret these bangs. They are really short and my hairline makes my hair want to grow straight down so they won't even go to the side. And since they are short, it's a lot of work to make them lie flat. But I'll get used to it in time I suppose. It wasn't her fault, it was my idea. I shouldn't be allowed to have ideas, I realized that they are all really bad.

I'm going to the fair today with Josh! I just hope that the rain decides to stay away. The sun looks like it's shining so I really hope so. Peach sno-cones and my boy, sounds like a good day. :)

I'm doing okay with my no diet soda/no fast food for the month thing. I haven't had soda or diet soda at all. I've rarely drank anything other than water. I have had fast food though, but it totally wasn't even my fault. I had no idea Frisch's was fast food. THEY HAVE A SALAD BAR. I should've known better, anything with a drive-thru is likely fast food. The point is, my mom knew it was fast food and she chose to eat there anyway. Without even telling me it was fast food until afterward. And then she laughed. She obviously either doesn't see or care that I am taking this seriously. Whattabitch. That's how it has been with nearly everyone since I've started to lose weight though. "You don't need to lose weight", or they bring me something sweet or fast food or something super not good for me. It's ridiculous... and reminiscent of a couple of years ago when all of my (very large) family members were accusing me of being anorexic and, let's just say it, a coke whore. No. I'm sorry that you're still fat.

ALSO. Exciting news for me (just because I love to travel and I'm all into my heritage since I discovered how much Native American I actually am)... I apparently am taking my dad's vacation pay this August or September and going to Cherokee, NC. I'm excited! I've never been there. My mom wants to play a twelve-hour Bingo game. Hah.

I suppose that's all. I'll update more and comment more when I actually have a laptop... this desktop is junk now.