Obviously I'm not going to do this thirty days thing anymore!
I'm thinking about getting a Tumblr... but...
I don't know. I already have this.
It's like an ongoing contest with me.
How many places can I write my crap!?
I already have like three or four blogs and like five paper journals.
RAGH.

Day seventeen

Favorite memories.

This is going to be really hard for me. I'll just do what Raeann did and do some separate ones for Josh and for friends.

I'm just really fond of thinking about our first date. I can remember every single detail. I was so surprised that he kissed me because everyone told me I'd be lucky if he held my hand. I was hugging him, he kissed the top of my head... I went to kiss his cheek but he moved his head really fast and kissed me on the lips. I got so shy, I had to bury my face into his chest so that he couldn't see how much I was blushing.
The first time I went to his house was awesome. We cuddled the whole time and watched Jackass and a bunch of band DVDs, which is really closely related to what we still do now.
Of course, other things that you don't want to know about.
I just enjoy doing everything with him. I remember when I first started going places with JUST him in his car... I immediately just wanted to go everywhere with him. I feel so... I don't know, cozy?, when it's just us eating out, in his car, walking through Wal-Mart, walking through the mall, doing anything together.

With friends... oh my goodness. When it was just common knowledge that we'd all be at the movies Friday night, when we'd walk to the gas station in front of the cinema to get energy drinks or because there was nothing better to do. When we'd go to every single show at Brandywine and walk to Dairy Queen, Food Fair... all of the shows elsewhere, where I got to know so many people. Even a lot of memories at school, just seeing people every day, knowing people were happy to see me. The times Raeann and I would go to the movies, or when she would spend the night with me. Actually meeting new friends. Feeling infinite. When Sarah, Nate, Justin, and I were at that Halloween party and we accidentally drank Moonshine. When I went to Justin's house with Brandon and Nate and we all walked to my house at night because I think I broke Justin's mom's car. That show at the fairgrounds that lasted for like 12 hours and I was sweaty, dirty, and hungry and I didn't care. Having more than one guy like me. That was kind of fun. Hah. When Sarah and I skipped school to go to concerts- Gigantour with In Flames, Children of Bodom and Megadeth, and then Foreigner, Styx, and Def Leppard. Just everything.

Someone from my childhood.
When I think of my childhood, most of the memories I have are with one person. I should probably miss her. I don't, really... which I suppose is a little sad or a little mean, I don't know. Anyway, Stephanie Harris was my best friend. She was at my house basically every day. Either that or I was at hers. She used to annoy the crap out of me, and we would fight if we were together longer than thirty minutes but it kind of made up for not having a sibling. We probably became best friends when I was 4 or so, and we lost touch altogether when I was 14 I guess. We didn't have a fight or anything, we just drifted apart like I have with everyone else. We've always been totally different people, I have no idea how we even got along as well as we did.

Day sixteen

I've been slacking on this for the past few days for some reason.

 First kiss.
I don't know, I kind of wish I didn't have to describe this one. I kind of regret that it happened just because I wish it had been with Josh now... I was his first kiss and everything, so it would have been sweet if he were mine, too.

Anyhow, it took place on I think July 22, 2007 ? when I was dating... my "ex boyfriend". Only, I don't know. We had just went to the fair... It was our second "date", we had been dating for like... eleven days. And back then, EVERYBODY was driven around by their parents, it wasn't just me so it wasn't embarrassing. :) My dad was driving us home. He kept trying to kiss me in the backseat of the car on the way home, but wouldn't for some reason. So I was like, "Oh my God", and I just did it. Haha I was like "Wtf what if he did not even want me to do that"... but he did it like a billion times after that so my fears were lifted. The only details I'm going to bother with are that he obviously didn't shave his face that day and he smelled like pina coladas. I must have been really bad at it though, because he broke up with me ten minutes later. lawl.

Someone that's not in my state/country.
This one makes it obvious that this whole 30 days thing is meant more for pictures than descriptions. I don't even want to do this one. :( Haha I'm sick of this already. :P

Day fifteen

Your dreams in great detail.
I already did this one :( ah, two conflicting 30 days thingies, you are supposed to have totally different questions!

The person you miss the most.
I've started talking to Robert pretty regularly again, and it made me realize that I really, really miss him. He was my best friend for, like, three years. He knew everything about me and I talked to him about everything. We had so much fun together and he made me laugh until I almost squirted a little.

Day fourteen

What I wore today in great detail.
I really can't remember what I wore three days ago :/ so I'll just tell you what I wore today!
What I wore today... is the exact same thing I was wearing last time I told you what I was wearing in great detail. I don't know if that's weird or disgusting.


Someone you've drifted away from.
EVERYONE.
K, so now that this post is over with...

Day thirteen + rant.

RANT! I just feel like being obnoxious for the sake of being obnoxious is useless, if you aren't joking. I just think it is a lost cause if you "just say what's on your mind" only because you know you can get away with it. People aren't going to be mean to you and I don't think I need to say why. It's an awful excuse but you always milk it for what it's worth, and it is annoying to see people soooo attached to your ass just because of that. What an awful way to keep dragging out your fifteen minutes of fame. This is just really bugging me. I feel like a horrible person for thinking this... like REALLY awful, and my reason for feeling guilty is everyone else's reason for being nice. But it gets on my nerves and "I'm just saying everything I think"!

ANYHOW. I have picked out the tattoos that I want. That brings the total to 7 I believe.

 This week in great detail.
Not much happened this week at all. It mostly consisted of me waiting for next week. So I doubt that I can even remember a lot of it. I'm going to have to look in my journal to see if those days were even interesting enough for me to write anything about.
-Monday- My mom invited my cousin Hannah to come over, which happens often when it is sunny. So that she can swim, in our pool, when she has her own pool. I get really mad when my mom wakes me up to go to my grandma's when it storms, but... I really am hoping that it storms every day for the rest of the summer just for this reason. So, that day I: got really annoyed, hid all of our food so that my cousin would not eat it all (literally), picked blackberries, swam for like five minutes because that's about as much as I could take.
-Tuesday- Can't remember. I had to choose between watching The Bad Girls Club and Teen Mom, so that was about the most conflict I had all week.
-Wednesday- I don't remember Wednesday. I think the cardinal flew the coop, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I started my period.
-Thursday- I don't remember Thursday either. Except that I got woken up by my mom with full force to go to my grandma's due to storms that may or may not have even happened.
-Friday- I went to Bingo and I didn't win anything.
-Saturday- I went to Bingo and I didn't win anything. Oh, and I found Lily- I don't even know where she had been, the sneak.
-Sunday- I stayed in my room literally ALL day. I crocheted and read, watched some movie on Lifetime about an Amish school shooting.
So that's my week "in great detail"- or as much detail as I can remember.

Someone you wish could forgive you.
I really can't think of anything. This always sounds really arrogant but I can't think of anything that I should apologize for. If I need to do it, I do it, and I always get forgiven. So there's nothing that comes to mind. I suppose that's better than if I were able to type out a real answer, though.

Day twelve

What's in my bag.
In one of the front pockets is this: 14 gum wrappers, one free sausage biscuit coupon for Burger King, two Twilight game pieces for Burger King, two bobby pins.

In the other front pocket is this: Pack of Cepacol sore throat/cough drops, Gatti's buffet punch card (I get a free buffet next time I go!), a Germ-X wipe, movie stubs for Grown Ups, Despicable Me, Toy Story 3, and Dinner for Schmucks. A box that had Palladio rice paper face blotting tissues, an old used rice paper face blotting tissue (ew), yet another Twilight BK game piece, one bobby pin, fourteen cents, and a fortune cookie fortune that says "Your wisdom will find a way."

In the inside pocket is this: Strawberry jumbo Push Pop and a mini bottle of Gold Bond Ultimate Healing lotion.

I have a little black zippered pouch that I keep my feminine things in, among... other things.

My wallet: It is zebra striped, with two keys (for my front door and the dead bolt), a Sally's beauty club card, Speedy rewards card, heart keychain, blue clip Class of 2009 keychain, beanie froggie that Andi Sue bought me, a TUK keychain, a keychain that has half a heart with a girl on it (Josh has the other half), and an Old Navy flip-flop keychain.
Inside my wallet (this is going to take a while, but the 30 Days thing said "great detail"): 
- In an outside zippered pocket, there are movie ticket stubs for: Oceans, Bruno, Saw VI, Shutter Island, Date Night, Kick Ass, Alice in Wonderland, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Death at a Funeral. There are tons of fortune cookie fortunes that say these things: "You are going to take a vacation", "Guard yourself against evil temptations", "A closed mind is like a closed book; just like a block of wood", "A pleasant surprise is in store for you", "Luck is coming for you", "All the news you receive will be positive and uplifting", "Your ingenuity and imagination will get results", "The only good is knowledge and the only evil ignorance", "Cooperate with those who have both know-how and integrity", "A smooth long journey! Great expectations", "You will become more and more wealthy", and "No job is so simple that it cannot be done wrong".
-There's a pencil on the inside, my driver's license, a library card, my debit card, Sally's beauty card, two bobby pins, Speedy Rewards receipt, and three pictures of my cousins Samantha and David. Six dollars, several receipts, and a few coupons.
-Rewards cards: Two for McDonald's McCafe, Hot Topic, A GattiTown card that still has like $10 on it and I have to use it within a year, ASPCA member card, Blizzard of the Month Club card, Wal-Mart card that has like $1 on it, Maurice's, and a Product Replacement plan card.
And then I have $5.03 in change.

Back to my purse!  Product Replacement plan pamphlet thing, baggie with more money in it, a mini brush, a random pink plastic rosary, empty Tylenol bottle, Wal-Mart receipt, We're Rolling Pretzel Company coupon, unchewed piece of Stride gum which I just put into my mouth, k now there's a gum wrapper in there, Nectarine Mint bath and body works hand sanitizer, more hand sanitizer- Japanese Cherry Blossom, empty pack of Orbit Mist gum, Stride gum pack with five pieces of gum inside which I forgot about FREAKIN' SWEET, more bobby pins and gum wrappers, 53 more cents, and a random purple yarn bracelet with a cat charm.

DONE.

The person who hurt me the most-
I'm not doing the "who I hate" thing, because I don't really hate anyone.
I'm not even going to go over the person who hurt me the most because I think we all know it's Josh.

Day eleven

Since I've already described "my siblings", there's only one of these to do today.

Someone deceased I wish I could talk to.
This one is really easy if I don't think about it. The first person who popped into my mind is my uncle Dick. I would ask questions- I would ask how aunt Max, aunt Ruby, etc. etc. are. I'd want to know how everyone else is doing that I never got to meet just so I could pass on the news to my family. I would have to assume that the afterlife is real, but I would ask what it's like and if anyone has actually been right about it this entire time. I'd apologize for everyone else. The way so many people acted while he was in the hospital and at his funeral home. I would apologize for how my family fought, and I would apologize for his son not showing up at his funeral. I would apologize for not saying more to him the day that I went to visit him in the hospital. I couldn't think of anything to say. I just kept repeating in my head, "don't talk about his condition, don't talk about his condition"- I was afraid to even ask how he was doing. The most I said I think was "you're welcome" when he thanked me for coming to see him. What a jerk thing to say. I also wish that I had told him he was my favorite great uncle. I never told him that. A lot of things can go unsaid and still be known but I'm almost positive he had no idea. He wasn't even blood-relation but he definitely was my favorite. We always think that there's "some other time" but there isn't- not always. By the time we realize we're too late, we're already beating ourselves up about it.

Anyhow, I had a dream about him a few days after he passed away. I dreamed that I was in a room with a bunch of people and I couldn't see most of their faces but I assumed they were my family. There was a round table, and the only two people whose faces I could see were Dick and my papaw. They were laughing, talking, joking, like normal. They were playing cards and I assumed Dick was smoking because there was smoke all around him (he died of lung cancer). I looked at my Dad and said, "He looks so much better". I suppose Dick overheard. He looked up and said, "I'm okay". The dream was creepy but comforting.

Day ten

What I wore today.
I got woken up by my mother this morning at 9:30 am, freaking out about storms as she tends to do. I just got out of bed and went to my grandma's as I was. I was wearing grey pajama pants with different colored cats all over them, and a periwinkle blue t-shirt that is way too large for me and says "Peace, Love, Cats". After I showered, I put on black Danskin sweatpants that have white stripes down the sides, a golden yellow button-down tank top and a white Relay For Life t-shirt.

Someone I don't talk to as much as I would like.
Everyone. Plain and simple. Everyone that I used to talk to that I don't anymore. It doesn't suck so much knowing that I've made the effort with a lot of them and it doesn't help. When it's inevitable I tend to accept it more. There's not one particular person I want to be close with again, it's just everyone. I talk to people more often now than I used to I suppose and that is good, but my boyfriend is still the only one that I am really close with.

Day nine

My beliefs, in great detail
Well, this one is going to be a bit difficult as I don't entirely know.
I do believe in a greater power- but I don't believe in the Christian vision of God. When I think of a God, I don't think of something that has the power to smite people, or set people on fire and send them to Hell. I just think of a God that sort of... lets things be. When it's religion vs. science, and there is a scientific explanation, I will believe science pretty much 100% of the time. I don't really believe in the whole Genesis God-created-everything-in-seven-days theory. I believe in the Big Bang Theory, but I believe that probably something greater triggered it. I believe in evolution (though it bugs me to death when people try to use "I didn't evolve from no ape!" as an argument to try and disprove it... KILLS me. Darwin did not say that, sheesh).

I am not religious whatsoever, but I think religion is very interesting. I'm pretty spiritual, though. I always have been, I just never really thought about it. Pretty much everyone in Kentucky is at least a little bit Cherokee (or some other branch of Native American), but I am quite a lot... I kind of think that may be why I've always been so into nature and felt really at home in it. Being in nature makes me feel spiritual, which I guess is either really weird or really understandable. I'm not sure what other people think about it. To me, nature and God are similar. I still don't know how to explain that but I know what I mean.

I don't really like to talk about my beliefs just because I think it's okay to be proud of what you believe in, but most of the time discussions of beliefs/religion turn into, "No you can't believe that, that's wrong", or "I'm right because my Bible says so". I don't think there's a good reason that you can't just be confident in your own beliefs and not worry about trying to save someone else's soul.

I'm still really torn about my beliefs as far as the after life is concerned. It's confusing to me because each person has such a different personality and so much energy that it's weird to me that it could just go away all at once. It's hard to imagine what death is like- I suppose it's like nothing, but then nothingness is really hard to imagine. I don't believe in Satan though... so I don't believe in Hell- at least not the whole "lake of fire" thing. IF the after life is truth, here is what I picture it as: Heaven doesn't literally have streets paved with gold, Hell isn't just a bunch of hot. I guess I feel like you'll just be repaid for the good (or bad) things you've done- and those things don't necessarily involve going to church, reading your Bible, staying abstinent and what have you. Or maybe that's what karma is for. If I ever see a ghost, well, I suppose I'll ask. In the meantime, I'm going to not worry about it. I feel like you should spend your time on earth enjoying life instead of worrying about what will happen to you when life ends.

I really like a quote by Oprah that I keep hearing over and over (probably this isn't verbatim): "There are many paths to God".

Someone I wish I could meet.
I've always heard that there is someone in the world who looks exactly like you. I have also always wanted to meet that person if she exists. I want to know if we have had similar lives, if we have similar opinions on things. If we're alike at all.

Day eight

A moment, in great detail.
This moment isn't just one specific moment that happened one day, but it's a specific moment that happens a lot of the time. It's when I'm taking a walk, just listening to music that reminds me of good times (or bad times). I know it sounds really corny and stupid but I feel like I'm one with nature. It's really calming and relaxing for me but it's also really exciting. It's somewhere I can go when I want to be happy, or when I want to be sad or angry. No one else goes up there except for when my grandpa mows the grass so that it won't grow up and I can keep walking there. That makes it feel really intimate. I can look to my right and see blue mountains, houses, trees, so many fields and hills. I look to my left and see wild flowers, fence posts, an old abandoned house. Butterflies of all colors fly around me and, a lot of the time, land on me. More often than not there are two chasing one another. I see mice running around up there, I see baby rabbits hopping around with their momma, I even saw a turkey once. Every time I see a bird, I smile. I can see a grocery store, my house, other houses, but when I'm walking by myself, listening to music, and really paying attention to nature I feel really secluded. It's one of the few times that I don't care.

My favorite internet friend
Her name is Joanne, and I met her on a message board about seven or eight years ago. She lives in England and is around my mom's age (which may be a little weird). She definitely does not act her age, though. She has a daughter named Hayley who is about 18- I get along with her really well, also. Joanne is someone that I can talk to but she's really kind of a mother figure (which also may be a little weird just because I already have a mom). I'm just always reminded that she's looking out for me. Her boyfriend lives in "the states" as she calls them, but I can't remember where exactly- Missouri, I think. I'm not quite as close to her as I was at one time, but I still love her to death!

Day Seven

First, here is what I did today.
Nothing much. Except I got annoyed a lot and then I picked some blackberries.

Today, I am supposed to describe my ex-boyfriend which is going to be awkward and then I am going to describe my best friend. I have described him at least three times within these two 30-day challenges, but Raeann's post on Cody inspired me to do one just with things that other people may not know.

I'll describe my best friend first. His name is Joshua Thomas Kurtz, he was born on April 11, 1991 and I believe he was born in Richmond. He is quite a bit German but I don't think he could speak German to save his life. His favorite food is Mexican food. I never would've taken him for an anime fan- on our second date, there was a guy reading a book in the theater and I said "WHO brings a book to the movies?!" and he goes "I bet it's manga". Anyway, he has a whole case of Dragon Ball Z VHS tapes, plays Dragon Ball Z on his X Box and has many Dragon Ball Z DVDs. Also, I was using his computer once and the only tab that was up proved that he was watching Naruto. His dad lives in Virginia. He (Josh, not his dad) has lived in three different houses since we've been dating and each time he moves farther away from me. I asked him once if I were a man would he still love me. He said no. He has a Bible app on his iPhone. I wrote an essay for him once and he only freaking got a B. He has a retarded cat named Riot, she thinks that she can fly. I've seen it. When I go to his house, I always have to wash his bedroom mirror. He spends most of his time working but he likes to make rap beats on his computer. He wants to be a record producer. He never watches television and for some reason, that bugs me to death because I'll talk to him about TV and he never has any idea what I'm talking about. I've never met his grandparents and I've only met his dad once. He has the worst road rage of anyone I have ever seen. He is very accident prone. In 7th grade, he got hit by a car and broke his hip. At Battle of the Bands one year, he slipped on stage and broke his butt... pfft, "I fractured my tailbone"- No Joshua, you broke your butt. That's why he stopped wearing shoes when he played shows. He has no brothers or sisters, and he makes really good microwave quesadillas.

K, my ex boyfriend I guess. First of all, let me just say that as stupid as I acted a few years ago, I don't really even consider him a real ex boyfriend because we dated for two weeks. But, he is the only one I have. I don't like thinking about dating him because it is really weird to me for some reason that we dated or that I even liked him. I'm not going to describe any of that, I'm just going to describe him as a person. His name is Jesse Haze James, and he is eight days older than me. He makes fun of me for being short and he is about two inches taller than me so I suppose he thinks he is entitled to do that. One of these days, I am going to break into his dad's garage and steal THE guitar that was made for me. It is a seafoam green Eddie Van Halen custom. Don't tell me that it isn't automatically mine. His mother passed away a long time ago, and he has one half brother named Preston. He has a dog named Peanut. He recently moved back home with his Dad so he lives close to me again. I would never say that he has awful taste in music but someone exactly like me might say that. He also has weird taste in TV. He is good at the bass. I suppose he still plays the synthesizer but I've never heard him do that. I suppose his favorite food is still noodles of some sort. He loves video games. He makes fun of me for the ditzy things I say. I've been friends with him for around seven-eight years.

Day six

Okay, I'm supposed to describe what I did today in great detail and I'm supposed to describe a stranger. I can describe the stranger while I'm describing my day :)

I woke up because Josh texted me at like 12:30 PM. I just decided to wake up right then. I got ready and whatnot and Josh came over at about 3. We ate dinner because my grandparents decided to spend $300 on steaks, shrimp, and crab legs for some reason. Then we left, and we went to Wal-Mart. I looked at the flip-flops, we looked at TVs, games, and in the huge bin of $5 DVDs. Where I helped a STRANGER (!) look for Barbie DVDs for her little girl. I really don't remember what she looked like because I was looking for Barbie DVDs... but it was nice that she looked so hard to try to find a DVD that her daughter didn't have. It was cute. I thought about buying like 5 different $9 and $13 movies, but I decided against it. I buy movies and then never watch them, so I looked at books instead. No Stephen King. I bought "Dawn of the Dreadfuls" which is the prequel to "Pride And Prejudice And Zombies". I also bought "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"... I bought a $5 movie or Josh, I bought 10 blank DVDs. I bought a diet Coke for myself and a Mountain Dew for Josh, as well as a blue raspberry push pop, a strawberry push pop, and a blue raspberry ring pop.

We headed to the movie theater and watched Dinner With Schmucks and it was absolutely hilarious. I highly recommend it. After the movie he took me to Bingo to wait for my parents, my grandma, and my aunt to finish playing.

Day five

I'm really enjoying doing these 30 days things but I've kind of been neglecting to actually write about the goings-on in my life.

Last night, I went to the show and The Colour Out of Space bailed so that sucked. I really wanted to see them- It's been almost three years! But The Fallen did well, and I didn't get to stay for Alegionnaire or AKB which kind of bummed me out. I just enjoyed hanging out with Zach. I learned that he has been upset about a lot of the same things that I have been- growing apart from people and just being nostalgic. Apparently Jesse is being that way also. I don't like that they feel this way, but it's good to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not just being pathetic and sad.

But RAEANN. Did you know...
That we took part in the downfall of Somerset's music scene!? Because we used to go to shows... and then we didn't. Everyone who did that is totally to blame. NOT the fact that the majority of all of the good, "old" bands completely quit. But us. Not us, in particular. But the normal show-goers who quit going. Apparently that's the normal way of thinking for most bands. We killed the scene. Zach and I were talking about this- I mean, we all can't help that we used to all feel like a community/family. We actually went to listen to the music AND to hang out at the same time. The bands we were used to quit (not that we didn't give the newer bands a chance)... but shows turned into something that people went to because it was cool, no one even listened to music! They went behind the flea market and fucking smoked pot and had sex. "The scene" was dead long before Wiseguys even thought of shutting down.

It just felt so weird going to the show yesterday and not knowing 3/4 of the people, and 3/4 of the people not knowing me. It's like Billy said: "You just don't know us because you didn't even go to 'the good shows'".


Anyway, that's my bit of ranting. Wait, wait, wait... I take that back, I feel there is more to come.
I didn't get to go to the show tonight because my great-aunt was having her 75th birthday party and family is more important. My grandpa hasn't felt well for a long time- he's lost crap tons of weight. Which, his doctor told him he needed to but he's lost 70+ pounds without even trying, which worries me a bit. My mom fixes dinner for him a lot because he will eat more when she fixes it for some reason- which is oddly cute and sentimental-ish. I felt really worried about him today all because of fried green tomatoes. He didn't seem like himself today, period. He normally is joking and laughing and talking ALL the time. Today he didn't talk at all. He asked me to order for him because he couldn't see the menu, but he ended up doing it, and then couldn't even remember what he ordered so he took someone else's appetizer...haha. He said he ordered it, and then I said, "Are you sure?" and he goes, "No, I don't think I did. I can't remember".


Ugh, my family, though. His brothers and sisters were there (which it was his sister having the birthday party)- and they barely even acknowledged him. They don't want to talk to him because they are afraid he will ask them to do a favor. Which he would. But it still makes me sick. His sons and other daughter are the same way. It's awful. A couple of my cousins also are the same way. As is my grandma's brother. It really hurts me to see them deal with it day-to-day, because they don't even hold grudges against these assholes. BUT they sit around depressed all the time. My grandma tells me every day that I will: get sick of my job eventually no matter how I love it for a little while, I will hate my life, I will resent my husband, and once I have children I will wish I hadn't had them. Basically I will just be miserable. She says she doesn't care if she dies and that she sometimes wishes she had never been born. It really worries me. I know it's all because of the way she has been treated. They are not in the best of health obviously and my parents are the only people who offer to help them out. I hate my family for what they've done to my grandparents. They are taking part in killing them and they either just don't pay enough attention to notice or they simply don't care. My uncle won't even talk to them. Period. HE IS OUR NEIGHBOR. He lives two houses up the Goddamn road. I can tell myself that these people are the ones that will have to live with it but they will not and do not care. They will never be a part of my life.


ANYWAY. I think I've figured out a lot of my beliefs. I'm not religious at all but I'm really interested in religion (all religions). I'm kind of spiritual though. It's really weird and hard to explain. I believe in a higher power. What I mostly believe in, though, is nature. I don't know. I can't explain it but I know what I mean.

Alrighty, onward ho!


Describe your definition of love in great detail
This is a really hard thing to describe. I can't describe what love is but I can describe how it makes me feel. It makes me feel selfless. There are people who will naturally put themselves last and think of others first, but I've never been that way. I feel like I should take care of myself if I'm going to take care of anyone else. But Josh is the one person that I care about more than myself (well, other than my family but I'm not in love with my family). I put him first, even when he doesn't put me first. I care about him way more than I care about myself. When I'm with him, wherever we are, I feel at home. When I'm not with him, I feel homesick. Before him, I always assumed I would die young because I couldn't see myself getting older- it was almost like I didn't have a future. I can now imagine myself growing old, but he's always there. No matter how many times he's hurt me, I know I couldn't hurt him. I can't see him in pain, it crushes me. I don't know how to describe it. I wish I did, though. It's awful not being able to tell him exactly how I feel about him.

Describe your dreams 
My dream is to be successful. That, to me, means being happy in whatever I am doing. I just want to keep true to myself. I hope to have a job that I love (which, I'll get to help animals every day so that is my dream!), I hope to travel, I hope to love and be loved. My dream is to accomplish everything that I've ever wanted- so that the day that I die, I can be satisfied with my life and not feel like I've left something undone.